Hiei's Christmas Spirit
by L.A.D. CORP. iNC
Summary: Hiei does not have the Christmas spirit. Everything's about to change with a dream. And he's kill Santa Claus for the heck of it. WARNING: Crack.


This is my **first** time writing for YYH. So if it sucks, blame it on the fact that, "This is my **first** time writing for YYH".

* * *

"No."

A clear, blunt answer from Hiei. Yusuke had asked them (he and Kurama) to join him and Kuwabara in a Christmas party bonanza, and Hiei, being the sandy butt hole he was, declined; but Kurama agreed. Kuwabara gasped.

"T-THE CHRISTMAS SPRIT! CRUSHED!" he cried, ripping out his hair. "SCREW YOU HIEI!"

Hiei stood there, unfazed.

"PLEASE! PLEASE! COME TO THIS! Or else… I'LL HANG KURAMA!" Kurama spit out his tea.

"Kill him Kuwabara. I _dare_ you."

"FINE! I WILL!" Kuwabara pulled out a knife, and started waving it near Koenma. Yes, Koenma. Not Kurama.

"I'm Koenma."

Everyone stared. Was his vision going or was he just drunk off of eggnog? And where _did _they get the eggnog?

Kuwabara straightened himself. "I'll… KISS YOUR SISTER."

Hiei shrank into a hot chibi blob, horrified. "N-NO!!!!!!ONEONEONE!!!!!!!!" He dropped to his knees and wept. "YOU RETARD! MY SISTER CAN'T DATE SOMEONE LIKE _YOU!_ WHAT IF SHE TURNS RETARDED TOO?!" He pulled Kurama up, and started waving him around. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"HA! I AM VICTORIOUS!"

"Hell no."

"G-Gasp!" Everyone gasped. How could something like this not work? THEY THREATENED HIM AND HIS SISTER'S WELFARE. AT THE SAME TIME. Yusuke died right there. Not really; close though.

"I'm leaving now. You guys waste my time." Hiei stood up and left.

That night, Hiei tossed and turned in his sleep. He was having a nightmare, obviously.

* * *

Everything was white. Hiei stood in an abyss of white. He took a few steps forward, and it looked like he did not go anywhere.

"Hello?" It echoed.

_Silence._

"FOOL! YOU DARE DEFY THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?!" A voice boomed. Too bad Hiei didn't flinch. He's too awesome to.

A figure from above floated downwards, looking all mighty and holy and big. But in reality, the figure was actually about three feet tall and has a sucker stuck in his mouth.

"Koenma?" Hiei asked. Two eyes darted his way, glaring holes into Hiei until he was swiss cheese.

"FOOL! YOU DARE—sorry, wrong line." He cleared his throat before continuing. "No, fool. I am not Koenma. I am… KO-ENMA! I will teach you to get into the Christmas spirit! And if you don't, I'LL MAKE YOU! MUAHAHAHAHOHEEHOHEAHAHAHAHHHAHA!"

Hiei stared. "Did Kuwabara set you up to this by poisoning my dinner?"

"No. That retard can't tell a monkey apart from his history book."

"Since you were deprived of a childhood (A/N: Dunno really), I've decided to let you relive some funness!"

"Funness isn't a word."

"GEN-KAI! FETCH MY SLED!"

The two stood on top of Mount Everest. Why Mount Everest, no one will ever know. Looking down, Hiei spotted the corpses of past hikers, and some garbage.

"WE'RE GONNA SLED DOWN THIS! BRACE YOURSELF!" Ko-enma exclaimed. He got on the sled and waited. Hiei continued standing there, waiting for someone OTHER than himself to get on.

"Oh. Was I supposed to get on?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Yes. Yes you were."

Hiei continued standing there.

"I'm not getting on that thing, you know."

"…"

"GEN-KAI!" Ko-enma called. Gen-kai appeared. "PUT THE FOOL ON THE SLED!" And she did. She pushed him actually, and the sled took off.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ko-enma cried. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS SOOOOOO COOL!"

"Whoo." Hiei said monotonously. "I'm having a _blast._"

* * *

The two hit a rock and landed inside Ko-enma's Winter Resort/cabin thing.

"HAVE EGGNOG! 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE GOLLY! AND GET DRUNK OFF OF EGGNOG!" He cried, since that sled didn't do much. Or anything.

"I'm not drinking that, as tempting as you make it sound."

"Why?!"

"I get _hives_."

"There's no proven theory for that."

"Yes there is."

-FLASHBACK-

"_Hiei! Have some eggnog!" Koenma cried. Hiei eyed it._

"_No."_

"…" –_Insert OOC Koenma evil glare here-_

"_Fine." Hiei took a sip, and burst into hives._

-END FLASBACK-

"Then… HAVE SOME—"

"I get constipation."

"You don't even know what it is!"

"It's fruitcake, isn't it?"

"… Crap."

The two stood there in silence until Ko-enma thought of something.

* * *

The two were in front of a mall. Not just _any_ mall, a mall with _Santa_ in it.

"… No."

Ko-enma backhanded Hiei. "Don't defile Santa Claus like that."

Hiei stared at Santa. Santa picked him up and placed him on his lap.

"Ho ho… so what would you like for Christmas, little child?"

And Hiei ripped off his head. "Let's go."

Ko-enma stood there horrified, and committed suicide.

* * *

"Good morning everyone." Hiei said. "Let's have that Christmas party."

Kuwabara spit out his breakfast. "ARE YO SERIOUS?!"

"Yes."

"But first, I have to stop by the mall." Yusuke said.

"Oh. Way to get us thrown out of EVERY mall in the area." Kuwabara glared. "You just HAD to kill all those Santas."

"'Tis the season."

**Owari

* * *

**

Merry Christmas! Any feedbacks can be sent to this L.A.D. CORP. iNC., or you can jsut PM me at A Dallop A Daisy.


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